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Field Report: The Polish Girl Who Wanted to Be American…

I’m not going to lie, I feel a bit dirty about this one…

Let’s set the scene. I’ve now arrived in Poland – got in on Tuesday night. I had good enough sense to stay in that night, but despite that – the jet lag has been murder this trip. It’s funny how things work, because every trip in the past has always had a very short expiration date. So I found it easy to fight through the jet lag to go out and get a bang and see stuff.

I mean, I seriously looked like death the entire time in Budapest last year.

But I digress.

So Wednesday, I had a date with one of the worst types of girls you can meet while you’re traveling (post coming soon about this). What’s this type of girl? The type that comes out on a date with you mostly because she’s just curious about foreigners, wants to practice her English, or thinks that it’s a good way for “travelers to make friends”.

Basically, any reason possible not to have sex with you.

Now, I saw this one coming, but she offered to give me a tour of some of her favorite parts of the city, I hadn’t had a real conversation with someone since I got dropped off at the airport in California – so I decided to roll with it and see what happened.

I got past the friend zone/here to practice my English pussy purgatory hell and at least got a solid kiss (and prospect, as subsequent texts have shown) out of the deal.

So now, day 2.

First up, at 7pm is a cute 20-year-old Ukranian girl. She ended up fitting the “shy Ukranian” reputation to the T. Very timid with her English, but a total sweetheart. I’m trying to convince her to come over and make pierogis for me soon, so we’ll see…


From everything I hear, there are two types of girls in Poland. Ones like the Ukranian girl, who are quite shy, not slutty, and while curious about Western culture – aren’t embracing it with legs wide open.

Then…there are the sluts.

And really, being a Western guy makes the slutty ones a walk in the park because they are so obsessive about Western culture. Hell, I even feel a little bit dirty about the whole thing.

This girl knew American slang, TV shows (especially Sex In The City), and culture better than I did. She was absolutely fascinated about what I had to say regarding why I think American isn’t so great, even going as far as to argue with me about it on a couple points.

She was definitely an outlier. Definitely louder than the other two girls I’d been out with, even going as far as to say once or twice that, “I know I am a bitch, but I don’t care.”

In many ways, it was just like being at home. At the same time, it was drastically different. Despite the somewhat abrasive nature, I could still tell that underneath it all, she was sweet. And she didn’t make it difficult to get her on a date – I asked her if she wanted to get drinks, and she responded with a time and asked if I wanted to try her favorite place out (college bar with $1 beers and shots, no complaints here).

In most ways it was drastically different than an interaction with your typical American girl, but I just couldn’t help but laugh at some of the things she said.

So. College bar. $1 shots and beers. Let’s fast forward to three submariners (shot of cherry vodka dropped in beer) in…


She immediately calls me out and says, “You are going to want to fuck me.”

My response?


“Yup, you got me.”

I’m at the point now that I just don’t feel a need to lie about it. I didn’t tell her I wanted to show her some American music, to play guitar, or to show her pictures of my travels. The way I look at it is this: if she doesn’t want to, I’d rather go home and sleep so I can be fresh the next morning to work on my business pursuits.

Well, despite her protests at the bar that we “definitely wouldn’t have sex” – of course we did 😉

Not without a ton of work though. First I got the whole, “I could see you as a friend” spiel that I just laugh off at this point.

It’s a girl’s last attempt at trying to gain your attention (what they want) without giving up the pink (what men want).

How do I handle it?

I just tell them flat out that I don’t keep female friends, which is the cold-hearted truth. I have a couple of female friends from college who I still occasionally talk to, but that’s it. I don’t see a point otherwise; generally, female friends can’t provide the company or motivation that having good male friends does. So what’s the point?

For one reason or another, the logic worked on her, but the work still wasn’t done.

I had to teach her how to play a little guitar. Listen to and solo on top of a couple of crappy Polish songs. Had to watch her play her favorite shitty American music videos.

It’s all part of the game.

And I won.

Well, at least until she stormed out about two hours post orgasm. She made it clear that she didn’t (and couldn’t) spend the night, and I would have let her if she insisted. However, after two hours of chit-chat and me falling asleep multiple times, I finally just said (with a SMILE!) that I needed to sleep and that I’d walk her out.

She didn’t take too kindly to that…

Seems I have shattered my first heart of this trip – albeit this one was completely by accident, and in hindsight I was uncalibrated; no American girl would have had an issue with what I said.

(But come on, two hours of post-coital pillow talk should be more than enough…).

UPDATE: Literally as I am putting the finishing touches on this (12:16pm), she texted me at 12:12pm saying, “I overreacted…”

To be continued…

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  • I’m a morning person so these kind of girls exhaust me. Also, I think I’m older than you and therefore less horny. The last time I had a procrastinator the eventual sex was tepid and she turned out to be nuts. I decided that the next time a girl was like that I would see her out. I did this a while ago when a girl wanted to “cuddle until I fell asleep”. I think some ladies enjoy the protracted attention and drama more than the romance.

    • Abo-so-fuckin-lutely.

      Was this cuddle until sleeping pre or post sex?

      The sex was pretty lackluster with mine as well, very disappointing. But those double G boobies might need another go ’round…

  • ten zły

    The shot sounds like weak version of “U-boat” shot… You don’t use “cherry” vodka (it’s considered effeminate to drink that) and you take drop 100ml shots in beer (not usual 40ml ones).
    I suppose when you are drinking with female it is fine to use weak version, but be careful when you travel and drink with some native guys. Further east you go more rules around drinking there is. That is if you don’t wanna be considered pussy by other men.

    Btw. It is not “pierogis” just “pierogi”. It is already plural. Single form is “pieróg”.

    • Yes, that’s what it was. U-Boat. 100ml? Jesus that would’ve killed me that night. Glad I was pussy drinking 😉

      • ten zły

        40ml should be fine too, but pure vodka, not flavored one.

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