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How To Handle A Girl Falling In Love With You

I recently wrote a post about a girl who I’ve been seeing who is (unsurprisingly) developing some feelings for me. Perhaps a full post is in order on how to handle a girl falling in love with you, but reader Luis did a fantastic job of doing my job for me when he shared this story:

Met this girl on the last night of her Erasmus in my city. Made out in the disco, exchanged numbers, kept talking through facebook.

Eventually she came back twice, spending a week at my place the second time. We really hit it off, she started considering moving here when she finished her studies (in 1 year). We agreed to keep it kinda casual, no promises made, seeing each other once or twice a month at some European city we both could fly cheaply to on a weekend.

After a few of these escapades (this time we were in Paris), she said she felt kind of uncomfortable because even though she liked me a lot, she thought I was a bit of a womanizer. I didn’t deny it, just tried to change the subject. She kept pressing, asking if I was sleeping with other women. I hemmed and hewed, tried to change the subject. No point. I told her she didn’t want to know. She insisted. I told her yes.

She freaked out, cried, asked how could I be like that, why didn’t I respect her… Take note, I really like this girl and am considering a future with her if she eventually does move to my country. But that’s a very big if, and I had already promised myself I’d never put my balls in a jar for a woman again.

So even though I was dying a little inside, feeling that I was going to lose her then and there, I kept my cool. Went to the window, smoked a cigarette, waited for her to run out of steam (thanks, Blackdragon). And then told her “You know how easy it would have been to lie to you? I never lied to you and never will. That’s respect for me.”

She didn’t answer. I went back to bed and turned off the light. Some 10 minutes later, she turns the light on. “I don’t know why but I can’t stay mad at you. I forgive you”. I told her I really liked her, but I wasn’t even sure anymore monogamy worked at all, much less in an LDR. That those other women didn’t mean anything to me. That I wanted to have a future with her, but I wasn’t going to hand my balls to one woman.

We woke up and had some sweet sex. Later at breakfast, she charged again. That she wanted me to stop. I just said “Don’t ask me to lie.” We didn’t talk about it again. I pulled out all the comfort guns along that day before we parted. I woke up the next day to “bonjour, mon amour <3” on whatsapp. She already seemed crazy for me before this (and I won’t hide it, it’s mutual), but she seems even more so since we had this talk.

Came to my hometown this weekend. I got sick on the 2nd day and bedridden on the 3rd. No hint of bitchiness, no “oh you just had to get sick while I’m here”, just took care of me always with a smile on her face. I’m going to her town 2 weeks from now for her birthday on her invitation. Says her friends are dying to meet me. We already made plans for December when I come back from my month long South American trip.

Seems good so far…

And while you should take everything on the internet with a grain of salt, let’s assume he’s not bagging a troll:

Just for context, we’re not talking about a hag with no options here. This girl is extremely hot. 8 years my junior, just finished Law school, has the body of a teenager even though she’s past her mid-twenties… Very pretty and feminine, wears beautiful sexy dresses all the time. Always in a good mood. I’d put her at 9 because she hits all my preferences (even has freckles, which I’m crazy about) but I can imagine a lot of people calling her an 8.

Luis did a great job of dealing with his girl falling in love with him – and it’s strong enough that it’s worth breaking down line by line. While this might seem “cruel” on paper to some, it’s important to note some of the lessons I outlined in “Leave Them Better Than You Found Them” Is Bullshit:

Also, see this.

I just don’t see how it’s possible to ever feel like you left a girl in a “better” place after a breakup. It’s a bullshit rule. There’s always going to be hurt all around. If you love and you’ve lost then she’s done the same. Immediately after it’s loss. A big hole where someone who was a big part of your life is now wide open. I won’t act like a tough guy and tell you I’m not upset. I am. Some drama happened that capped it off. I didn’t think it was repairable.

With that being said, there are a few different ways you can approach a girl falling in love with you.

Option #1: Lie

About seeing other girls.

About how many girls you’ve fucked in your life.

About how you really feel about women (heh!).

About your desires to get married and have a family; or lack thereof.

About the fact that you have a blog about dating and fucking. Whoops.

Option #2: Tell The Truth But Eventually Pussy Out

See: my last relationship.

Option #3: Tell The Truth & PROFIT!

See: Luis above.

Profit = Crazy monkey sex, lovey dovey text messages, and trips abroad. While still fucking other girls.

The next time I feel a girl falling in love with me, I know exactly what to do. Do you?

Are you a man trying to improve your life? Dates any day you wish, sex on demand, and the affection of multiple pretty girls sound to you?

If so, check out my book: Cracking OkCupid.

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It’s been called a simple and comprehensive guide for anyone with beginner to advanced level skills in online dating. Click here to check it out.

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  • stifler

    Ahh f*#k, If only this post had been written one day before.
    I actually had the exact same situation with one of my main long distance girls.
    She asked me where it was going and whether I was sleeping with other girls in my home city.
    Now a little backstory about her.
    She’s 29 and I’m 25 (although she has the body/face of a 20yr old. Damn I love Eastern Europeans).
    But her biological clock is ticking and I can see why she was hammering me for answers. Deep down she wants stability, and she kept trying to bait me by saying.
    “you’re young, you will have another girl next week”..
    She also kept assuming that I would “start seeing someone else” hoping I would fall into her bait and say “oh no honey I won’t.. i promise” but again I deflected these questions as much as I could.
    In the end I went for option 2/3 and told her the truth after she kept bringing the topic up, but the issue I had was I couldn’t profit and have mad sex, as our conversation was on skype/whatsapp. (terrible idea.. Always do it in person), because you can’t control how long the girl will dwell on her response and you can’t change the topic of conversation as easily.
    Anyways I held my frame but it didn’t end great.
    Well it’s not completely lost. Tomorrow morning will tell.
    But thank’s for sharing. It’s good to know there are other kindred spirits out there experiences the same high quality problems.

    • Honestly man, this might be one of those situations that it might be best to let her go.

      See this:

      She knows what she wants and she wants it with you – but if you don’t want the same thing, let her go look for what she wants. You can get other girls. Plus, a long distance relationship sucks anyway. See the link to my last relationship above.

      If you really want to save it and want a future with her – tell her it’s time to move.

  • I’ll admit, even though I know it’s wrong, I have a habit of lying to girls about how the relationship is going.

    Half the time I lie, other half, I tell the truth.

    Telling the truth works better (make sure to hold frame)

  • Luís

    Well, I hate to rain on your parade (and my own), but I have to report that I finally gave in. She pressed for monogamy again, and it came too much like an ultimatum for my liking, so I refused. We slept on it, in the morning she told me she was leaving everything in a few months to come live in my city, and begged me to “not ruin this good thing we have going”, so eventually I relented. She’s been here almost every week now, and I have behaved (except for the occasional flirting in night clubs). This is uncharted territory for me (being monogamous as a man who knows he has a lot of options), so let’s see how it goes.

    • Best of luck to you my friend. If she’s coming to live with you that is quite the drastic adjustment – though with your escapades/weekend jaunts perhaps it won’t be too much of a shock.

      Keep me posted if you don’t mind.

      I actually have an update coming about the girl in my life who inspired my original post…stay tuned 🙂

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