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Field Report: Robbed By A Stripper

This is part 3 of 3 in the diaries of Montreal.

Part 1

Part 2

All caught up on what’s happened so far?

Then you know that I got left with balls polluted blue not once, but twice in a span of a couple of hours on Friday night – my second night in the city of Montreal. Girl number one had vaginal problems – not even her period, but a yeast infection. Girl number two was at my doorstep and then received a call needing a ride from her drunk younger brother.

So when I woke up Saturday morning, I had a dilemma.

You see, I’d been determined not to use any online dating while I was in Montreal. Which is kind of stupid in hindsight, because I’ve really cracked the code across just about every dating platform in existence. I have too much time at work – what can I say.

I don’t know why I was so determined. I think I really just wanted the thrill of a one night stand, which I didn’t even attempt to do in Pittsburgh. I was so worn down from work on that trip that the only times I attempted to get laid was with online dating. I knew I had no energy to pursue things rolling out solo. But that was different in Montreal.

However, after striking out in such brutal fashion the first two nights I decided I didn’t want to put all my eggs in one basket for pulling off the one night stand on Saturday. Especially since the forecast was calling for rain, and I had no idea how the nightlife in Montreal would react to the inclement weather (for example, rain in Los Angeles it really kills a lot of my favorite venues).

I had a few pipelined leads from weeks before that I had kept just warm enough. So I messaged a few of them. Two girls bit, so I set up two dates. One agreed to come meet me at a bar at 5:00pm. The other agreed to come straight over and “drink wine” at 7:30pm.

I spent the day wandering around the city again. Hiked up Mont Royal, which has some amazing views of the city. Quite windy and cold though! Bundle up if you plan to do this. Other than that…I made some dinner and napped. Note to those who can travel to work: don’t put the fun personal travel after the work trip. Do it before if at all possible.

4:30pm rolled around and the first girl became a pain in the ass. Backed off of meeting at a bar near me and instead insisted I take the metro to her. Well, 7:00pm girl texted and asked if we could please meet at 6:00pm instead, because she had an art show to go to at 8:00pm. As she’d already agreed to come over, and was putting a timeframe on herself, I had my spidey senses beginning to tingle that this girl wanted to get fucked and no more.

Goodbye 5 o’clock girl.

So she shows up, and she had warned me that she looked a little “different” than her photos. As in she had colored her hair. Bright. Fucking. Pink. On top of that, she had the bull ring piercing.

Basically, everything that I fucking hate in a girl.

Despite this, she was still hot. Great body, cute face, nice eyes. I knew I could look past her poor choices and get my dick hard. So we go to the couch, chit-chat. Come to find out, she’s fucking insane.

  • Lost in life – currently studying “Museum Archaeology” or some bullshit
  • 25 years old and just started the aforementioned program a week prior
  • From what it sounded like, totally broke
  • …a stripper…

This is on top of all the crazy hair, piercings, and tattoos. I realize I’ve stumbled upon the jackpot of one night stands.

Eventually, I tell her I want to see what it feels like to kiss a girl who has a lip piercing (she had one of those God-awful hooks that makes her look like a fish). Go for the kiss, she’s receptive. Drink more, kiss more. She wants to go outside and smoke. I accompany her down the three flights of stairs; she’s wearing a ridiculous pair of heels that make her ass look amazing.

She gets a long phone call from her friend saying that she needs to get to her place for the art show like now. She tells me she has to leave in half an hour. Not wanting a repeat of the night before, I usher her back upstairs and escalate hard. She’s totally into it, and within five minutes I’ve got her naked on the bed with my dick in her.

A good fuck. Knew how to gyrate her hips like a pro, not that that should be a surprise. As suspected, she loves being choked and spanked extremely hard. Calls me Daddy after a couple of minutes. Heaven knows I’m not the first Daddy issues she’s had in her life.

We finish up, she gets dressed. I call her an Uber. She leaves, says that maybe she’ll meet up with me later after her show. I know she’s just being nice, and don’t care.

Canadian flag acquired.

Now, everyone is probably wondering about the title of this post. Well, an hour later as I was preparing to go out for the night, I realized my favorite pocket square was missing. I tore the apartment apart trying to find it – but I know I’d left it in my blazer pocket, which was hanging on one of the dining room chairs. She stole it, along with $5 CAD off of the table. She probably did it because the pocket square matched her hair.

I guess replacing the pocket square was cheaper than buying her a drink out at a bar, so I’ll take it. Low cost per orgasm!

In any case, I did hit the streets that night and returned to Mme Lee, the venue I loved from the night before. But once I acquired the notch and Canadian flag, I lost a lot of energy. The combination of two weeks working my ass off in Pittsburgh, plus the long nights in Montreal had taken the wind out of my sails. On top of that, it was pouring rain and the nightlife was definitely quieter because of it.

I stayed out for a few hours, made some approaches, but decided a good night’s sleep was in order.


Bottom line, this trip was great. The three-day-city-blitz is hard, but what a great challenge. Sure, I cheated a bit by pipelining, but a flag is a flag. I’ll take it.

Taking this trip made me realize how fortunate I am. I have a good job which allowed me to take this trip nearly for free (they paid for the flight back from Montreal, as it was cheaper than flying back from Pittsburgh), and am overall very blessed to travel as much as I do, and get the chance to meet dozens of beautiful, foreign women.

The next day I took a bike ride to the old city. Sat outside at a beautiful cafe, ate some delicious poutine. Sipped some fantastic coffee. As the river breeze blew on my face, and I thought about my adventures of the last three days, I just couldn’t help but smile. And I had one thought to myself.

Being single and causing trouble is a hell of a lot of fun.

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