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A Man & Woman At War

When was the last girl you had sex with who wasn’t me, she asks.

Fuck, is it that time already. Mental calculations ensue. Yep, about two months of dating. Sounds about right. 

Not missing a beat despite the calculation, he quips back: “15. Last week.”

Nice try, asshole.

Fine, 33.

Seriously. Give me an answer.

Must I?

I have an 11pm date coming over. It’s 10:30. You have to get out.

Two months is early for the “what-is-this” talk. This girl is into me, as my friend pointed out to me the other day. Subject change time!

Two minutes later despite the subject change, she comes back ’round.

You didn’t answer my earlier question.

He studies her intently. I believe in honesty. And can only dodge this for so long.

Do you really want to know?


What was your question, again?

OH MY GOD. Have you had sex with someone else this week?

Mentally counts back. Let’s see…there was the redhead Thursday, but since then…no. It’s Wednesday now.


LIAR. Okay, how about in the last two weeks.

You said the last week.

I also want to know the last month.

If I told this poor girl the whole truth I would crush her. 

Fine, yes I am still sleeping with other women.


Now, he waits.

To see if she can truly be okay with it.

With the understanding that he is a man. Biological destiny to spread seed and whatnot. Simply put, in terms of genetic survival the best bet is to sire lots and lots of children from lots and lots of beautiful women.

But he can’t tell her that he wants to shoot his sticky shit into the nubile twats of just-legal teenagers. Because girls get feelings. She is biologically programmed to pair bond. To latch on to him and every remaining resource. Tie him down and only let him out in the minivan to pick up the kids. Leave a shell of himself at the altar along with his nuts in a jar; along with a note: to be returned upon death.

What a shame that it’s basically biological warfare.

He wants to spread, she wants to ensnare. Maybe polygamy has it right, but society says that’s wrong. And she’s a female. The herd, i.e. society. Society says it’s bad. Do not let him spread his seed. Sire multiple children with exotic women in exotic lands.

No, no, no.

So he waits. Knowing that the subject won’t come up again, at least for a little while. It’s too soon. She knows she’ll seem loony if she asks for commitment now. Knows he’s too high-value of a man to be tied down to just one woman, no matter how beautiful she is.

Why do I like him so much, she wonders. And she’d be right. She is a Disney princess. Dress, makeup, cute voice and all. It’s not like she doesn’t have options. But the obsession has taken place. She must have this man because he will not immediately bend to her whim. She must have him because she must beat out all other women for his resources, because biology tells her too.

So for the time being, she shrugs off the fact that he has other women, attempting to convince herself that she will win him over eventually…

He pulls her close and strokes her hair. Whispers sweet things in her ear. Savor the moment. Nothing lasts forever. He does all this despite knowing full well it’s only a matter of time until he breaks her heart.

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  • Luís

    Yup, just had this talk 3 weeks ago, some 3 months into the relationship. She took it well enough.

    • Care to elaborate any more? I’d love to use any major details in an example post or something of the sort.

      • Luís

        Sure. Met this girl on the last night of her Erasmus in my city. Made out in the disco, exchanged numbers, kept talking through facebook.

        Eventually she came back twice, spending a week at my place the second time. We really hit it off, she started considering moving here when she finished her studies (in 1 year). We agreed to keep it kinda casual, no promises made, seeing each other once or twice a month at some European city we both could fly cheaply to on a weekend.

        After a few of these escapades (this time we were in Paris), she said she felt kind of uncomfortable because even though she liked me a lot, she thought I was a bit of a womanizer. I didn’t deny it, just tried to change the subject. She kept pressing, asking if I was sleeping with other women. I hemmed and hewed, tried to change the subject. No point. I told her she didn’t want to know. She insisted. I told her yes.

        She freaked out, cried, asked how could I be like that, why didn’t I respect her… Take note, I really like this girl and am considering a future with her if she eventually does move to my country. But that’s a lot of if’s, and I had already promised myself I’d never put my balls in a jar for a woman again.

        So even though I was dying a little inside, feeling that I was going to lose her then and there, I kept my cool. Went to the window, smoked a cigarette, waited for her to run out of steam. And then told her “You know how easy it would have been to lie to you? I never lied to you and never will. That’s respect for me.”

        She didn’t answer. I went back to bed and turned off the light. Some 10 minutes later, she turns the light on. “I don’t know why but I can’t stay mad at you. I forgive you”. I told her I really liked her, but I wasn’t even sure anymore monogamy worked at all, much less in an LDR. That those other women didn’t mean anything to me. That I wanted to have a future with her, but I wasn’t going to hand my balls to one woman.

        We woke up and had some sweet sex. Later at breakfast, she charged again. That she wanted me to stop. I just said “Don’t ask me to lie.” We didn’t talk about it again. I pulled out all the comfort guns along that day before we parted. I woke up the next day to “bonjour, mon amour <3" on whatsapp. She already seemed crazy for me before this (and I won't hide it, it's mutual), but she seems even more so since we had this talk. Came to my hometown this weekend, I'm going to hers 2 weeks from now for her birthday on her invitation. Says her friends are dying to meet me. We already made plans for December when I come back from my month long South American trip.

        Seems good so far…

      • Fantastic stuff man. I’m gonna use this in a future post.

        And featured comment.

      • Luís

        Just for context, we’re not talking about a hag with no options here. This girl is extremely hot. 8 years my junior, just finished Law school, has the body of a teenager even though she’s past her mid-twenties… Very feminine, wears beautiful sexy dresses all the time. I’d put her at 9 because she hits all my preferences (even has freckles, which I’m crazy about) but I can imagine a lot of people calling her an 8.

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  • françoise

    A girl here. I find your posts very nice and amusing.
    I always think it’s funny if a girl always pressures a man of the “future of spending life together”.
    Honestly I had the same problem when I was before 26 yo.
    I learned my mistake that bringing up the topic would eventually make my man leave me ( and yes, it happened twice).
    So, instead of pressuring men about relationship/marriage, I focused about my own happiness: finding a good job, taking care of other people, taking care of my pets, travelling, enjoy dating men, learning to cook, learning to make simple paintings, etc. A happy woman attracts men coz she sends positive energy.
    I became more laid back about relationship, let it flow like water.
    If it’s just a one night stand or NSA, what’s the fuss about it? If a man choises me for bootycall, I can have the privileges of playing around with other men, and that particular man will never ask me to be faithful anyway ( coz he was never faithful).
    Oh, I always think that asking my man if he fucks around while still in relationship with me (then crying when he admits it) is a very stupid approach. If he cheats, I’ll cheat too. Period.

    A good man (he’s French) finally found me fascinating, started relationship with me, and we finally got engaged ( will be married next year).

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